Dose of Delusion
Two professionals serving up witty banter, unfiltered opinions, and contagious laughter. Join us in Dose of Delusion as we dissect life's absurdities and navigate the world with humor and touch of delusion.
Dose of Delusion
Advice? Of Course We’ve Got It!
Right in the middle of Jay’s big move to DC and AJ’s work conference (that we can hardly wait to tell you about!), please enjoy this pre-recorded bit with us giving you the best delusional advice we can offer!
Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to your Dose Delusion. It is me, your host, quintessential J, and I am with you know, the giggling, the smiling, the gorgeous Quintessential AJ, hi, oh, my goodness. Okay, so we wanted to go ahead and give you guys something a little different than normal, especially in light of me moving across the country, and AJ and I had came across. What did we come across, aj?
Speaker 2:We came a couple like I found like some really good funny like advice column stuff. So yeah, you know, I think that we want to try. You know different dose, right A?
Speaker 1:different dose of advice. Oh, from our delusional perspective Of course, delusional, absolutely Some more than others.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I know.
Speaker 1:AJ, do you have something prepared for us yet?
Speaker 2:So I do.
Speaker 1:I do, let me go first. No, no, no, no, go for it please. Thank you.
Speaker 2:So actually I found on outcom, oh wait.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm sorry. For some reason, you said outcom and it reminded me of gaycom. Oh, I feel like this. I'm like are we chatting and chatting? Oh my God, what's your ASL?
Speaker 2:Imagine no, no, no, it's actually this. You know, like out magazine, it is an advice column on there called Hola Papi, so I thought that was very cute. Okay, so here it is. Hola, papi. Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. We're lesbians, so that means we've already gone on a trip together.
Speaker 1:I should have used them to pack my you off, exactly.
Speaker 2:I had a tarot card reading that said I was going to travel with the new love interest soon and it was great, except for one thing she snores so loudly, papi. It's so loud. You can nudge her all you want and it won't stop. I'm terrible at sleeping anyway, so this is not good news for me. I love spending time with her, but I need to sleep. To make matters worse, I was complaining to my friend about it and she goes wait, that sounds like sleep apnea. I looked up the symptoms and I was like yikes.
Speaker 2:I believe she has sleep apnea now, which means she has to stop breathing, which means she stops breathing in her sleep. I have heard her do that multiple times in bed and have been like oh no, this chick is dying on me. So sleep apnea makes people really tired and it's not good for you. And according to Wikipedia, most people have no idea they have it until they're told. But we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, so I don't know how to phrase it. I just know. I know I just need to come out and say it, but I don't want to embarrass her or make it seem like I don't enjoy sleeping with her. I really want that to continue, but I'm so, so tired. Help.
Speaker 1:Okay, who is this? Who's the columnist? Hola papi.
Speaker 2:You said oh, that's what you did. Say that Okay.
Speaker 1:So if I would respond to this, it would be one line and it would say end it, Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:But, no, but no.
Speaker 1:So I am. Yeah, no, I have experienced some pretty intense snores and I'm not. I sleep like a little bit of an angel baby minor little noises here and there, but these snores like that's not something. That is not something I can ignore. I do recall now okay, actually, thankfully I don't think I've ever dated anybody or been with anybody in a romantic way that snores like that, but I do one time when we went on a cruise with the family, my brothers brought their girlfriends and one of my brothers, his girlfriend, was like that and apparently got worse than she was drunk and that night should have been drunk.
Speaker 1:And I remember like cussing through the walls, texting my mom like why the fuck did you let her come on this cruise? I was angry, I couldn't sleep. There was no ignoring it. I tried to put in like earplugs. It is one of those noises that it literally sounds like she was a lumberjack chopping down the Amazon forest and I couldn't stand it. I don't know what I would ever do if I was dating someone. But the trick here is you said they were dating. How long?
Speaker 2:She didn't say it was just all new and their lesbian, so it was probably like super quick, probably fourth date, right, maybe probably exactly. Well, they didn't say they were living together yet she was just saying that they were like spending a couple nights together and they went traveling and that travel is when she discovered, oh no, she snores, crazy style. Okay.
Speaker 1:I would think, because now that she's enlightened on the fact that it's very possibly could be sleep apnea, now it's a medical concern. I think you can bring that up a lot easier than just like your. It's easier to bring that up than just it being just a preference issue. So I'd be like, hey, you snore a lot. I was going to work around it, but now I learned that it could be this. I really think you should go and get checked out, do a sleep study, see what's going on. Hopefully that can fix it. If not, I mean they're lesbians, so they're probably going to buy a house under six feet and they do make houses now that have two primary suites. And what is it? Separate rooms and separate bathrooms. Save marriages? Yeah, I've heard that.
Speaker 2:I've heard that yeah.
Speaker 1:What are your thoughts, AJ?
Speaker 2:So okay, so I need my sleep. Yes, so I've had a couple of night visitors, I guess in my thank you night guests and I just I can't, I can't do it. I've done the nudge and the nudge and like roughly nudged, and they're like what? And I'm like you're snoring and like try to fix it. And so I, I don't, I wouldn't be able to deal with it, so I would, in essence, be like it's over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you don't think you'd bring it up like the medical port of sleep apnea.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I wouldn't have gotten that far to do all that research Exactly Like it was just like it was like okay, like I, I'm in, like I'm too old to be doing any of that, I'm not going to waste my time on any of that. I'm just going to, like you know, we're going to parlay with each other and then it's just going to be like enough's enough, like I just can't deal with it.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't know. I think I would be more of the like hey, I can't sleep. You, you, you snore, everybody snores, it's okay, but maybe a little less sleepovers.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean. But what if? Then? Why waste, if that's already an issue? Like if that's already an issue, like you're wasting your time on dating this person, okay, if you're already having problems with that, like don't you want to cuddle with someone, don't you want to do all that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you're right. I think it being if it was something that was so early, then that would probably be. No, it would be, it would be a pass for me, Red flag. I think it was something. Maybe I was dating somebody and they developed a snoring issue. Then that's different, but I don't think I could actually build a bond with somebody who's going to interrupt my fucking sleep.
Speaker 2:You know, and with that whole like if it's something that developed, you know, usually what that means is that they were either having their not exhausted and not sleeping well, or got too drunk, so they're snoring, which I kind of thought. That's what someone told me and I'm like I don't snore. And they recorded it and I was like, oh my, but that was like a friend, like a friend was yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yeah, and I was like a friend, was like girl like you're. I was like, oh my God, it's out. But I was like wasted you know what I mean, like, and it was just like a heavy, deep sleep. So that was like the only times when I'm like exhausted or like you know. I was like I drank too much and it was like, you know, a happy sleep. But like from then I yeah, it's a red flag, like it's not, I'm not interested in pursuing that because it's it's, it's already like okay acts like next. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mtv's next.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, okay, what does Bobby have to say?
Speaker 2:So Bobby goes on to say and just kind of like he's, he's really funny. So this is rather long, but okay, I'm getting a level with you. I'm hungover and need an easy letter to answer. When you said you were tired, I really felt that it's approximately a thousand degrees Fahrenheit outside and I have a headache and I have no room in my poppers adult brain to approach anything Exactly. A new one situation right now. So here I am, fixing the snoring lesbian. I love that you're reluctant to tell this girl about her snoring problem because you've only been seeing each other for a few weeks but you've already gone on a trip together and slept in the same bed because a tarot reading prophesied in, lesbians really are living in altogether richer experience than gay men. Huh, this one guy had been circling around each other over text through I'm sorry, over text for two months now and tomorrow getting lunch. I want to die.
Speaker 2:Speaking of cultural differences, one time I went over to a guy's house for casual grinder hookup. I was going to refer to him as a doctor here to enrich the narrative, but I don't even think that he was a doctor. I think he just worked like um, like tangible to medicine somehow. But the point is I lay down in his bed all sexy like, and he immediately said oh, you have sleep apnea because of the way I was breathing. I guess I could very well be the case for that new fling as sleep apnea, but she should probably have been told sooner rather than later, so my advice would be just to put it out there. Hey, so I've noticed that you have trouble breathing at night. Have you looked into it? Sleep apnea can be dangerous and I care about you If I want to bring it to your attention you actually?
Speaker 1:you know, I like that yeah. You know words words mean things right and rephrasing it as hey, I noticed you have trouble breathing at night. Not your snoring is keeping me awake.
Speaker 2:Right, so I like that. That was nice.
Speaker 1:That was puppy sweet and hilarious Hola, puppy, I like the snoring.
Speaker 2:I saw I've been, you know, like I just stumbled across that and it was just, you know, I'm just like I was trying to do like some research for this and just kind of like read like you know a couple of other things like mismaners and stuff like that, and it was just snoozeville and so it was like gay help column or whatever. So, and then I stumbled across this, and there's several funny ones, so oh gosh that.
Speaker 1:Okay, that was a good one yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they sure do move.
Speaker 1:There has never been more truth in the joke of what do lesbians bring to a second date.
Speaker 2:The U-Haul Exactly.
Speaker 1:I just you know. Okay, all right, I came across one also, aj, okay, a little bit different one. I think we've all heard of the am I the asshole?
Speaker 2:Oh, off like Reddit, right, yes, yes, all right.
Speaker 1:My favorite. I like this one because I also can't stand children. Okay, okay, okay, all right, okay, go. This one says am I the asshole for assuming my baby could come over to a Super Bowl party?
Speaker 2:Yes, you are, because how dare you?
Speaker 1:Exactly All right.
Speaker 2:Here's the background.
Speaker 1:Here's the background it goes wife and I, late twenties, got invited to Super Bowl party yesterday. We have a 15 month old done, already done. All right, we have. Listen. I was. They said dogs allowed and I was skeptical of bringing my 14 month old puppy and I was like he might be a little too. You know, we're unbunctious. We have a 15 month old. I assumed with the invite our kids were invited to it was a text invite saying this is happening at this time and this place. No other details in my history of going to parties like such. They've always been family friendly, so I didn't think twice about bringing my kids to my buddy's house. We're on the West coast. It's over by eight, so it's a day thing and not really too late, and I'd. Apparently my kid was not invited and my buddy who hosted wasn't happy he was brought over. We had a discussion that turned into an argument and we left. He never mentioned the kids, but I. But am I the asshole for assuming my kid could come?
Speaker 2:Well, okay, man A go.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So I think that there should have been way more information on that invite. However, I have so many questions. Does that? Does that buddy have kids? Ooh, that's a good one you know, for an 18 month or 15 month. However, it's like that's one that's a one year old. That's not like. Why are you? Why are there more months? Like get over it, like ridiculous. My child's 24 months? No, it's two. It's two that your child's two years old. I got to get so angry. I mean too.
Speaker 2:I can't stand that. No, so, okay, so, but so there's just so many things that could have gone with it, like if they did have kids. Obviously it's going to be kid friendly. I'm already for the buddy to react that way. I'm already assuming that there's a problem.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:He doesn't have kids, so there's going to be drinking, yelling, all of this. Why does an 18 month old going to want to be around that, unless it's like oh, there's, yeah, bring the kid because da, da, da, da, da. Or was it like bring your wife to. Or is it just hey, you bring you your wife, stay home with the kid? Like there should like there should have been more than just that text invite. So I would have been like if I was in that guy's position, I know it would have been like well, you didn't say I couldn't bring my wife, you didn't say I couldn't bring my kid, you just said be here at this time.
Speaker 1:Okay, I tend I can definitely co-sign to that. I think again, yeah, you're right. If I were the host and then he showed up with a kid, I might be like peeved or annoyed, but you're right, I probably wouldn't have said anything because I didn't say anything beforehand. I didn't lay out any more ground, rules or guidelines.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But on the other side of things, I also think you're right. You know, does he have kids? Am I gonna go? It's the same thing for whether it's children or even older people. You know, look at the general age of the party. What's gonna be happening? There's gonna be drinking, there's gonna be adult talk. Are we all close friends? We're gonna talk about you know what's not? No, no, what sort of looking for like risque subjects or what, right? What kind of audience do I want to bring? Do I want my child there? Do I want my grandmother there? Probably not Neither of the two. So in this case, maybe they are both in the wrong, both assholes.
Speaker 2:Right, right, I agree they're both very asshole-y because also, like with that, the response didn't have to be that aggressive, but also that's just assuming too much and remember how I feel about people who assume you know what I mean and like with that. Also like the whole like kid thing. It's like when they're like in restaurants misbehaving and screaming and all of this and all that. But also I'm a hickano. Like the kids were always at all the fucking late parties while the adults were drinking and stuff and all the. But there were more, there were a lot of them, yes.
Speaker 2:And we were all like, okay, we all hung out in the den or whatever, and then they were like on the outside drinking beer, whatever. You know what I mean. But also I do remember the random kid asleep on the bed like the child the baby that was asleep on the bed like with a pillow fort around them, and then it was like just they would send one of the older kids like go check. Okay, they're fine.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then?
Speaker 2:report back and then okay, like go whatever. You know what I mean. So I mean there's lots of things that could have how it could have been. You know what I mean. But if it was early in ending by eight, maybe the 18 month wasn't gonna be doing a nap at any time soon. You know what I mean, so See, this also reminds me of a.
Speaker 1:Was it a? It was one of those like last comic standing events right or competition shows, and there was a comedian on their female comedian and she said it was like it was a really quick joke and everybody loved it. And she says I hate when people say that having a baby is like having a child, cause it's not true, because never once have I stopped being friends with somebody because they got a puppy. And that's how I feel, Like right now in my close friend group. I don't think any of them actually have babies that they bring around. If they have a baby, I don't even know about it, as it should be. So I haven't been presented with this opportunity to be an asshole or not, but I think I would be a little disappointed. Actually, that's not true.
Speaker 2:I forgot.
Speaker 1:So in my former friend group there's not like current friends, but back where he used to live. All my friends are older than me and one of them she did have she does have two children and she would bring them into with her everywhere. And sometimes it was kind of frustrating cause we'd wanna go like on a dinner with, like me and my girlfriends, like five of us, and it was like, well, if we invite this person, we know we gotta make room for three, and then she'd wanna sit the kids like right in the center of the event.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not Literally like person's birthday party and she wants her kids center of the table or head of the table and it's like come on, this is an adult party, we love you, so obviously we love your children too, but time and place and so yeah, that is a little frustrating, but none of us actually brought it to her attention.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:Because we don't want to be the asshole. Okay, do you have another one for me?
Speaker 2:So puppy's, full of them I want to read all about this.
Speaker 2:Okay. So another interesting one that I found. This one is okay. Did I tell you how the other one started? No right? So hello puppy.
Speaker 2:I recently started dating after a number of years of being out of the closet but romantically avoiding men due to some personal insecurities. I've mostly overcome that and have liked the experience so far. The dates are usually fun and the guys are usually nice. I've now been out and out with about half a dozen guys. I find the part I struggle with most is maintaining a good conversation. After the first date or two. One of the guys lasted a bit longer and was a bit more serious than the rest, and after he ended it he told me the lolls in conversation had been a factor. I was sad and have thought a lot about it.
Speaker 2:This is a bit of a common theme for me, a part of some close friends. I find it hard to keep conversations going for very long. I don't think I'm boring, but I'm not that good at small talk and it takes me a while to get over it. That hump in my interpersonal relationships, dates, friends, colleagues, et cetera. I'm worried that this will impair my dating future and that I could lose out on great match because I'm not able to meaningful connect as easily as some. It's kind of anxiety inducing. Signed awkward lolls. Okay.
Speaker 1:I have thoughts, Okay, I know that experience and so over time over the last few years, when I've been trying to make some no personal growth changes, little micro things here and there is obviously I mean, AJ, you can probably agree with me when you meet somebody and you're very interested in them in that way, you kind of wanna text them regularly.
Speaker 1:I have learned to refrain from that because what would happen is I would be texting them about my day, something that happened. I'm giving all the information that we finally get to our dinner date and I have nothing more to say. You know what I mean, Because I've already texted you everything. So typically, to not end up in awkward loll's shoes, I will do a little good morning text or hey, I'm thinking about you, hope you're having a good day, something like that, just to let them know hey, you're on my mind, obviously I'm into you. But the details about my day or maybe a work job or a work laugh, or a funny text to my mom, or something like that I keep and save that for when we are in person. That way one they can see my real tone, my facial expressions, and I can give them my three minute comedy bit, versus it all being via text and then having nothing to say on a date.
Speaker 2:So I'm like hello, so okay, I mean I was, I mean I always have something to say, so I. But also I haven't been on a date in so long, so I don't know, I feel like I, when I'm interested in someone, I'm just kind of like a little bit more reserved.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And I do kind of get a little shy and but I kind of also need to fill in empty, like awkward silences sometimes, or when I found that I don't mind the awkward silences and that's usually like the right person I find, versus like if I need to fill in the awkward silence, then I'm trying to make up for something or trying to you know what I mean Like it's just not a comfortable feeling. So I feel like if that's if there's too many awkward, you should be able to want to talk naturally with someone and if you don't mind having that awkward silence to someone, then that might be the right person for you and with you. So that's where I would think for them.
Speaker 1:I agree, and it's not only in a romantic interest. I haven't done that nice little personality test in a long time, but I do think that one of my love languages is a quality time, and even amongst my friends, you know I'm like come over, let's put on a TV show, let's binge watch TV, order food, and we may not see more than seven words to each other for the next four hours. But I really enjoyed interest that moment. I enjoy your presence. I don't need to fill the air with conversation of nonsense or something that's meaningless. Your presence is more meaningful than meaningless conversation. Exactly, and yeah, I think you're right, if you can get that with somebody that you are dating, then maybe, maybe sitting at a dinner or staring at each other and not speaking in a restaurant might be a little awkward. But so change the venue, right, you know what I mean. Change the venue to a more personal, intimate setting. I think that could definitely fix the situation. But I'm very curious to know what Bobby has to say.
Speaker 2:Bobby elaborates quite a bit. So he basically says he gives him advice, a lot like he says some very clever things but where the juice of it all is. So here's my advice. For one, don't be afraid of silence. Silence can be fine. You don't have to project negative judgments about yourself onto it. We all have different needs and styles of communication. For to recognize that you are a person who is capable of conversation, you do it with your friends. You just need a certain kind of connection. That's something you could find in a romantic context with the right person. And for three, it helps to establish some fallback questions on dates that are a little bit more fun to talk about than the standard fair. Here are some fun, memorable questions I've been asked on dates that push a little beyond small talk, if you want them.
Speaker 2:What's a movie you think about a lot? Not necessarily one of your favorites, but one that's stuck in your head. What's a job you thought you wanted to be, that you want to do when you were younger, but grew out of it? What's your most recent obsession? Do you remember who I am? Do you really think I died? Did you really think I died back in Kyoto. Did you think I'd let you win so easily? Do you have any last words? I mean that was crazy. And then he says don't use the second half of those, I'm workshopping them, I'm going to put more poppy he got me. I was really now like oh my God, you have any last words?
Speaker 1:Well, aj, you're pretty much right on point with him, so I love that. I think we both kind of agree with that. I think for me, I would just one appreciate the silence and, again, time in place, right, and it will be awkward when you're out in. Not even then. I have stared long and lean to somebody's eyes while they're eating their food, and also you can tell a lot about someone by the way they eat their food. You can tell a lot about me by the way I eat my food. I'm a very messy eater and I think that definitely translates to other parts of my life as well.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I cannot with you, but no, that's, that's, that's absolutely. That was a good one. I don't even want to go straight to poppy.
Speaker 2:Okay, I know I have another one here.
Speaker 1:This is a little more if you have any children listening, which I hope we don't.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:I'm putting it out there right now no children allowed on our podcast. Oh, anyways, am I the asshole for letting my girlfriend know? Her stubble irritates my face. Now, when I first read this.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I'm like, why are children don't have to be for that?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, all right when I first read the headline or the title, I was thinking well, tell her to get some laser on her face. I thought it was just like you know. She plucked a few beard hairs or shaved her stash.
Speaker 2:It's a little thick.
Speaker 1:You know ethnicity and culture.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Whatever, but wrong. Okay, you ready for this? Go the background. I went down on her for at least 20 minutes and I was happy to, as always, however, my skin is very sensitive and her stubble irritated my face a lot. So after everything was done, we were talking about how it was for both of us, which I hate those questions.
Speaker 1:But anyways and I brought it up that my face got irritated. I fully thought it was because she wasn't cleanly shaved, which is so fine. But if you were in her shoes, I don't want to know, because I was what my partner to be comfortable, especially if they're pleasuring me. But it really bothered her that I brought it up. I finally found out that it's because it made her feel gross and insecure, which is very fair. But it's not just something that crossed my mind because she is so sexy, not just to me, but traditionally just very attractive. Anyway, I fully apologize and wish I never said it, but I still wonder how wrong I was. I would like to avoid something like this happening again. Where am I trying to make a productive comment? Where I'm trying to make a productive comment, turns it to hurtful, turns into something hurtful. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2:No, she's. I mean he was actually being sweet and I'm being nice and bringing it to her attention and I mean, or don't eat her out anymore, and then let her like why doesn't he want to? Like, okay, like it's like clearly he had rugburn on his face, so you know what I mean. Like it's like like she couldn't tell.
Speaker 2:I'm sure he was all fucking red all over his like lips and face Like, and I'm sure he was probably, you know, going all crazy, so like I'm sure it was like everywhere. And you know, listen, we're gay men, so and we've made out with a couple of guys that had that five o'clock shadow or whatever and like that.
Speaker 1:Freshly shaven, smooth, at the wrong time. Within eight to 12 hours, razors all over. I mean my lips have been bruised, or burned in my face. It's not, it's not cute. So I can't imagine, you know, being down there for 20 plus minutes probably going ham to pleasure her. And then all you're getting in return is a face full of blisters.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, rugburn, irritation, okay.
Speaker 2:So, but, like you know, I mean I think that it was, it was brought up in a nice way and then, but also, if she needs that, you know, like, oh, I like, like she needed self validation, I would have been like, no, I was down there for 20 minutes. You're not gross, you're not, you're actually it's amazing and I want to do it again. So, like, like, let's figure this out. Is there like an ointment that we could use to, like you know, like guys have that beard oil stuff, or like you know, aftershave type of thing that, like you know, or, or I mean, does she want, does she, if she likes, having, like you know, a clean plus, like that, like, maybe she needs to look into laser, or you know what I mean, or or maybe let her do out a little bit, that's what exactly, exactly, and then he can't, you know, have his cake and eat it too.
Speaker 1:No pun intended. But if it's one of those like if it's uncomfortable for her to shave, which is comfortable for you, and she grows it out, you don't get to say, well, I don't like the hair down there, well then fucking pay for her laser. Then Right, right, I know this couple here. I don't know if you ever met them. No names, right? Obviously I'm not going to say their name, but there. We just referred to them as hot mom and hot dad A super cute young couple, absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:And he started growing out his beard and it only made him look better, of course. But we're at the pool and we're talking about it and we're like, oh, why does she look like a beard out? And both him and both him and his wife were there and she was like, oh, because when he shaved she's like her, her's my cookie. And yeah, so this was, this was the reverse right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his double was hurting her. And he's like, yeah, so I grew it out, boom, simple and done. Yeah, you know, and everyone's happier. Yeah, so I love them. Uh, no, you're not the asshole kind, sir.
Speaker 2:You are not. Was there any other comments on there? What was do? Does writing have them Like what's what?
Speaker 1:was the answer. Well, there's an answer. Um, I'm just saying that because I don't look at the comments.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, you were all asking what did Papi say? Well, because Papi's a columnist.
Speaker 1:He's a columnist, papi's clever, and hilarious.
Speaker 2:So I had only read like all the like funny, clever stuff before, and then, like when I saw here it's my advice, I kind of put it down and I didn't read it. So I was like pretty spot on, like I thought he, we have the same I could. I'm going to be like hey, papi, like let's like share, you know whatever. Um, uh, so are you finding something? I have a. I have a response here and it says you're not the asshole.
Speaker 1:You brought up a valid concern in what sounds like a gentle way. I think this may have resonated with your girlfriend badly, but you didn't comment to hurt her feelings or promote insecurity. As someone who has had to make and receive similar comments, may I suggest trying to spin your phrasing um into something sexy. It may sound silly, but something along the lines of damn, I guess I went a little too hard. You're so good I gave myself rug burn. Um, it's a little ridiculous, but it may help, you know, introduce the conversation in a more lighthearted way. Uh, all back to phrasing and everything. So that was one of the better comments that I'm seeing here, which I think agrees with what you said, with what I said, right on par with that Right Um, I'm sorry, I'm so eager. Do you have another poppy? I do, okay, go.
Speaker 2:Um, okay, hola, Papi. Uh, here's my problem. When I'm with a guy, as soon as my clothes come off, I get very self conscious about what he's thinking when he sees my naked body and I lose my erection due to insecurity. One time was especially embarrassing I was about to put it in and it went soft. I spent the better part of a few minutes trying to play with it to get it back up, to no avail. This lack of security has kept me from dating over the last few years, and I haven't even attempted sex in about five years. Papi, how do I love my body instead of feeling insecure over it? Signed body shameful.
Speaker 1:Um, mr, body shameful. Just seek some help, whether it be self help, whether it be just working on your own confidence, find some motivational tick talks, get into the gym, read a chicken soup for the soul or go see professional counseling. I think we are our hardest critics and, um, there are minds of the eat, pray, love he does. He's just happy. Like you're naked in his room, like he's already won the lottery for the night you know what I mean and you're taking your own insecurities and amplifying them on yourself, which, in turn, is ruining it for the both of you. Um, as someone who does have body insecurities on a regular, on a regular basis, when it comes to intimacy, whether it be with somebody I care about or, uh, overnight guests I my thing is well, they're here, they want to be here. Um, not shy about my body during those times. So I think it just all comes down to your confidence. Figure out a way to work on that. Uh, the short term and the long term. Yeah, you're already there. He's already happy.
Speaker 2:He's met some beautiful men that are so insecure about their body or their looks, or they don't think they're whatever, and I'm just like, what do you mean? Like, look at you. I just want to like grab them, take them to a mirror and be like look at this, what, what do you mean? We are our own worst critics. Um, and confidence is so appealing to some people. Um, I when, where are you taking these images? Walk into a room and I own it. I exude confidence and I still sometimes look in the mirror and I'm like ugh, you know. So I get it. I get exactly what he's saying. But, yeah, you're right, I think that he needs to, for sure, talk to someone and kind of help with that body image dysmorphia that he might have, or whatever it is to help boost his confidence. But here's Bobby.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Hey there, bs for Body Shave-O. So I'm gonna come right out and say I don't think this is about what the other guy thinks when he sees your naked body. We both know this isn't the problem. You're already hooking up. He's either positive or neutral about it, and that's about as good as we can get out of the other people when it comes to how they react to us in general. I would guess that this is more about what you think about your body, and someone seeing it brings all your negative thoughts to the form.
Speaker 2:Being seen in a physical, vulnerable position like that can make you feel emotionally exposed, as if the other person can see, just by looking at you, all your insecurities and the effort you put into hiding them. Mirrors aren't the only place where we have to confront our reflections. We look for ourselves in the way people treat us, look at us and touch us. If we don't like the way we look, we can make us hypersensitive to the feedback, whether we're interpreting it logically or not. I want you to feel empowered over how you look at yourself. Changing things like dieting and working out can be good, yes, but in my experience, if you're predisposed to finding things you hate about yourself, then that's not exactly what you'll find, regardless of your exterior.
Speaker 2:I want you to change the dialogue you're having with your body, because that's really what body anxiety is, isn't it? It's a conversation we imagine between our bodies and the world, and if we get burned enough times or we take in too many harmful messages, we end up limiting our vocabulary Ugly, wrong, disgusting, et cetera. I want you to expand your vocabulary. I want you to introduce positives into your inner dialogue, to recognize when you're punishing yourself with unnecessary negativity, to do your best to let those thoughts pass you by. They aren't serving you.
Speaker 2:We can control how other people see us, and that can be difficult in a fat phobic world obsessed with normative beauty standards. But other people aren't the only ones involved here. You are too. It's a conversation that means you have to get to speak as well. When you do try to, when you try doing it confidently and in a way that empowers you, even if you have to be a little bit more careful, if you have to fake it, and even if you slip up here and there, the negativity will still be waiting around. You've got nothing to lose by giving yourself love a try. Self love, like I always say love yourself Con mucho amor, papi.
Speaker 1:I love that answer yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're so sweet.
Speaker 1:That's literally right on par. Like I said, I don't know if you've experienced that I have, and sometimes I'm like, well, there's lights will be off. You know what I mean. But also sometimes when I go out and I might be a little liquid courage, I don't know, but I'll go out and I'll be like just hella confident, you know, and really straightforward, and like sometimes you're like forward with what I want and I'm surprised with like yeah, okay, I'll go home with you. I'm like cool, and we're going to do it. Boom, boom, boom, right, and why would I change that confidence that I had from out, all the way to getting home, getting to the room? And I'm not going to shut the confidence off. You know it worked for the last two hours. It's going to work for the next.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Hour seven minutes, Um Um.
Speaker 2:And even that's reaching Um, um, um, um Um.
Speaker 1:Sponsored by Bluichu. Um Stop, yes, I love it, you're so funny.
Speaker 2:But no, that was good, that was good on.
Speaker 1:Poppy, that was sweet.
Speaker 2:And body shaming stop shaming yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, please stop shaming yourself. You are, you're perfect, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, You're beautiful, you're perfect, you're beautiful.
Speaker 2:You're a thank you, linda, thank you.
Speaker 1:You're a model.
Speaker 2:Oh God, first time game. Okay, Okay, Um. But on that note, um, I hope you liked listening to our advice and thoughts on these little readings. Um, we may have a little bit more Poppy readings for you.
Speaker 1:Um, I think Poppy should be a resident columnist on our, on our show.
Speaker 2:I think that he will yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love, love, love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's again. It's outmagsyntoutcom. Ola Poppy, the uh. His name's John Paul Brammer and, um, if you wanted to even write to him or whatever, and then we might read it on our pod. Um, it's Ola Poppy Letters at gmailcom. So um, join us next time and uh, thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you. We'll see you guys soon. Bye now.
