Dose of Delusion
Two professionals serving up witty banter, unfiltered opinions, and contagious laughter. Join us in Dose of Delusion as we dissect life's absurdities and navigate the world with humor and touch of delusion.
Dose of Delusion
The Lavender Marriage Files
Jay and AJ catch up like two besties on a layover: AJ just survived COVID and discovered he is now a proud ga(y)mer, Jay is living his hotel upgrade fantasy in Salt Lake with bartender hookups, Park City sightings, and bartender drama that sparks a deep dive into lavender marriages, lavender husbands, and the weird economics of queer cover arrangements. They riff on reality TV recaps, hotel room nightmares, Grindr sleuthing at the office, and friendship ranking feels, all with gossip-level energy, awkward detective skills, and a lot of sass. Equal parts bar diary, pop culture gossip, and queer life tea.
hello, hello, hello and welcome back to dose of delusion. It is me, your host, yours truly jay, and I am graced with the presence of the beautiful, the magnificent. You know him, you love him. Aj, the, are you Tell?
Speaker 2:us. I'm good. I kind of had a not so cute week. I'm coming off of COVID.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I didn't know that was still a thing.
Speaker 2:No, I know, and that's what I found out Apparently it's going to be like the flu and it's going to be coming back annually during flu season. Apparently, it's obviously not the same and since some of our majority of our bodies have antibodies or whatnot, it's. I got sick for like two days. It started with a persistent cough and I was like, oh, I got sick for like two days, it is. It started with a persistent cough and I was like, oh, my allergies and um, and then I was like on Tuesday I was like what's it's, it's it's, it's a dry cough, it's not like an itchy throat cough. And I was like, okay, this is weird.
Speaker 2:And then I was like, oh, and you know, my back's kind of sore, like I'm kind of like, like, did I sleep wrong? I know I've been working out a little bit more, so like, is it that? Like I was just trying to think of, like, what it could be, and just like it's allergies. And so after work, I go home and one of my friends that I was hanging out with, um over the weekend, um, I was like hey, how are you feeling? Um, I've had allergies. I'm not, I'm feeling too good. And he's like, oh, I have COVID and I was like you, you gave it to me.
Speaker 1:And I started blaming him.
Speaker 2:Um, but but no. So, um, I had a slight fever Tuesday. Wednesday my lungs are feeling better. I quarantined for five days, the fever came and went, and then the cough subsided and then, like, I just had this like lingering, like shortness of breath, yeah, and for like one hour I thought I um lost my taste. So I was like, oh no, what am I gonna do? And then I just figured I was eating something really bland.
Speaker 1:I know, I know, you know. No, it's so funny you bring that up because I am currently on a work trip in Salt Lake City.
Speaker 1:And my colleague. He ended up getting really ill on day one and he went to like urgent care the ER and they gave a bunch of steroid shots and as a precaution they just gave him some antibiotics. But it was most likely just a viral thing and made him like rest for three days. But one of my students also started having this really persistent dry hacking cough and she has been for the whole week and I bet you she's probably out there spreading those little germs that, absolutely, absolutely, yeah, I yeah that that's yeah, it's not, it's not been cute.
Speaker 2:Um, I, aside from that, I did download um, a, a Xbox game, um Hogwarts legacy, so I guess he's a gamer. I'm a gamer now, um, so, so that's that's what kept me occupied, um, during the week of not being able to really go or do anything, but that's what's been going on with me this past week. What about you? What's been going?
Speaker 1:on. When did you?
Speaker 2:get to Salt Lake. Did you go get your blowout Like come on?
Speaker 1:Good callback, good callback. I'm so sorry you're going through that, but I'm so glad you're getting back to the up and up. So I've been in Salt Lake now for about a week and a half. I've only got a couple more nights here. It has been so much fun. Well, it was, yes, okay, ultimately it's been so much fun.
Speaker 1:Something that was a little humbling is one of my best and closest friends, much like you, that I talk to on a regular basis. He lives down in Florida. I was giving me the cold shoulder for something that I did well-deserved but whatever. But then, even after he kind of let him work through it right, even after he kind of got over that, a lot of our other friends or colleagues on this trip are also his close friends and they've been friends longer than I had been friends with him, and so it really showed my ranking in his friends, his friendships, and I'm not at the top of that list on on this on this trip. So that was a bit of a bit of a bummer.
Speaker 1:I always look forward to spending a lot of time with him, um, but having to, like you know, understand my place, um, it's all fine, everything's fine, but no, the trip is so much fun, you know I like it out here. Um, I did make it up to park city over the weekend, so that was a lot of fun. And um, yeah, I've been going. Did I go? Don't I go and get a blowout? Did I get my hairs?
Speaker 2:did no, did you see any of the housewives?
Speaker 1:I did not. I did not. However, we are pretty sure that we saw a Jared Osmond sighting, that we had a Jared Osmond sighting.
Speaker 2:Yes, up in Park.
Speaker 1:City. So I know one of my friends was like I think that's Donny Osmond, we're like, no, she goes, but it's definitely an Osmond. And it didn't click until like after we had left. But I was like, wait, like Jared Osmond lives in Sandy. Utahah is obviously up there in park city a lot with the ladies, or mainly britney. Um well, but yeah are they still?
Speaker 2:I don't know. We'll find out. I'm so excited I've um it's coming out tomorrow girl, so I can't wait girl, you're wrong no, it's coming out tomorrow. Is it today?
Speaker 1:no, it came out on tuesday night, last night, or yeah whatever tuesday from the week that we're posting this. But yes, I thought it was thursday so I watched it. Um no, so okay.
Speaker 1:Well, we can't talk a lot, I need you to watch it I know what the hell that is your homework, because not only did I watch the entire episode, I also watched the Watch what Happens Live, where Angie Kay and the gorgeous Demi Lovato was on. She's, I mean, stunning, but no, so I need you to catch up on it and then we will do a recap, maybe over two episodes. The next time, maybe we'll do a little, uh, bi-weekly okay, like a mid exactly or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah a little mini, a little mini yeah, we'll do a mini, for sure, for sure, but no, I've been having a lot of fun out here.
Speaker 1:Um, I have more bartender diaries similar to the last trip I have to tell you about, which has been great. What have you been up to other than recovering from covid?
Speaker 2:I know you've been doing some fun things, um, just I mean just like work and you know that just work and like COVID, really like covered half of the week, but like I had gone out the weekend before I was hanging out with some old co workers, which was nice, until they got me sick with COVID, I mean nothing really standing out other than me being a gamer, though Like I feel real like I'm going to put that on my profiles now like gamer.
Speaker 1:But how are you going to spell it?
Speaker 2:You know how damn well I'm going to spell it.
Speaker 1:Tell the people in the back. They need to know. The people need to know. G-a-y-m-e-r. Okay, all right, no, okay, all right, no, okay. Well, I had a bit more of an eventful time frame, obviously. I traveled, had a good travel day, talked myself into a couple of upgrades, as per usual. Same with my hotel. They put me in the tiniest room when I got here. I don't know what they did. I do not understand how this room could be so small at a very nice Marriott or the AC Marriott downtown Salt Lake. So literally after the first night, I mean okay, so I had, like the bathroom vanity was like almost in the middle of the room and then the bathroom mirror was about 18 inches wide from vanity top to ceiling. But I could literally like peek my head up to the left or right and like look at my bed ew it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was so strange, um, nowhere to put my luggage. It was terrible. So I asked to the front desk and I was like listen, I can't do it and I'm here for, you know, 11 more nights and it's gonna be an upcharge and I was like no, I was like this is not how they were advertised. I'm not trying to be a headache, but please. And then she was like come back tomorrow, we'll get you upgraded. So I got myself a nice little suite, as you can see, no, it looks really cute in the bath.
Speaker 1:So much better, um, but no. So one thing that's great about this hotel has been the restaurant bar. So, first bartender, kind of cute, had him for the first night or two, not really talkative at all, but then, like on night three, this new bartender comes in and super cute and obviously very, very gay. I guess I can say it right yeah, duh, very gay, but super cute. Not necessarily my type, but still like super cute. I'm like, oh, I, I love this guy. He's also really young, still age appropriate, really young. But ultimately I was like, oh, this guy's super gay. And then he had his friend sitting at the bar as bartenders with other friends, come hang out, and his friend was also like really gay. And I'm like, right, cool. So I've been going every night getting lots and lots of drinks, getting lots and lots of hookups. Also, the liquor laws here are absolutely ridiculous oh yeah, that's right yeah, they have this.
Speaker 1:Could you elaborate a?
Speaker 2:little bit. What is it?
Speaker 1:okay. So first of all, it has the lowest um, like alcohol, abv or dui or drunken what is? That called like the percentage you can be sure like most of the countries, like a 0.8. Uh, here it's 0.5. So it's super low. It's the whole mormon laws. Right8. Here it's 0.5. So it's super low. It's the whole Mormon laws.
Speaker 2:As.
Speaker 1:Bartender calls it. He doesn't call it legislation, he calls it religiouslation. Pause for laughter. Anyways, sorry, that's okay, I didn't mean to read something off screen. That was a good one, I know, I'm sorry anyways.
Speaker 1:So alcohol laws. What they do is, um, they don't just have a spout under liquor bottles, the spout, you have to put the magnetic contraption on top of the bottle and then pour and it dispenses the exact amount. And it's also like tracked in the computer systems and sales and everything, so you are not serving more liquor than you're supposed to serve. But he's found his ways around. That makes sure my drinks are extra heavy and it's been great. And yada, yada, yada, yada, yada until uh-huh.
Speaker 1:So we go out right now I go out with my, my colleagues and coworkers. By the way, I have a dinner here in about 20 minutes, 25 minutes. Okay, we go with my colleagues and and my friends and way, I have a dinner here in about 20 minutes, 25 minutes. We go with my colleagues and my friends and whatnot. And then we go to a bar after one of his recommendations, one of bartender's recommendations, and we stay out pretty late.
Speaker 1:And then on our way back, bartender, his friend that I'd met, that was sitting at the bar with him, and hotel front desk guy were all walking cross paths and they're like hey, so we chatted and they're like we'll hang out. I was like all right, I'm going to stay as I do a little adventure. And I stayed, and while we're chatting in conversation, something happened where bartender was talking to his friend and he was like yes, but you're gay. And his friend was like oh, that's right, I keep forgetting that you're not and you could have like scratched the record. And I was like wait, you're not gay. And he's like, oh, no, I'm not, like a lot of people think that I am, though, and I was just like, oh girl, I still don't know if I believe it, but he, he's claiming straight have I mean so?
Speaker 2:have you heard of the term lavender?
Speaker 1:husband oh, I'm getting there. Oh, which is hilarious, because when you gave me topics for this pod, um, I was like, oh, this is amazing, all right. So now I'm just wrapping my head around the fact that he's saying that he's straight I don't want to say claiming, cause that sounds like rude.
Speaker 2:And he was wearing a wedding band.
Speaker 1:Well, no, it's not that far yet, but I'm wrapping my head around the fact that he is identifying as straight. I'm like, all right, let me come to terms with it. Sure, whatever. And he starts talking about one of my colleagues, my coworkers. Oh, she's so hot, she's this, she's that, and all about is everyone not knows, everyone assumes that you're gay, right, and you know, you act that. Your mannerisms, your voice, the verbs, your tones I mean the things, the tones, the things I was saying about you know, people I find really attractive. He was like co-signing to it. Just, it's not making any sense, all right, so I'm sitting at the bar yesterday hold on.
Speaker 2:I'm so sorry, pause real quick, but also he's a bartender, don't they try and get a tip or whatever? So they're going to go with the flow and be as fluid as they can be.
Speaker 1:I'm going to need you to see this boy. I mean, he is as flamboyant as they come, perfect. He's so great, though I really do love him. He's been.
Speaker 2:FaceTime me the next time you're in front of him.
Speaker 1:I will. Great, though I really do love him. He's been facetime me. The next time you're in front of him, I will. Actually he would love it too. He's super bold and outgoing. He would. He would probably.
Speaker 1:If I told him this, he would insist I facetime you, I love um anyway. So I'm sitting at the bar yesterday and he's like I'm having a dilemma and I'm like all right, cool. And then he explains to me about relationship problems with his girlfriend and that he's been dating this girl for a while and you know she's having car trouble and she invited this guy over to help her fix her car, even though he's expressed to her that he's uncomfortable with her being around this guy and whatnot. And I'm just thinking is this a sham of a relationship? Hence a lavender relationship for a lavender marriage. Right, right, obviously you were on that same mind track as well, thank you, and I could not believe that when you offered to bring up lavender, I was like, oh my god, I'm literally, you know, witnessing one right in front of my face for this whole week and.
Speaker 2:But the thing is is I? I brought that up because during COVID, I literally started thinking about becoming a lavender husband.
Speaker 1:Listener, that is not where. I thought this was going to go.
Speaker 2:No, I'm sorry. Oh, my God, okay, so no, I mean, look, it's out of convenience. Like you, she'll be my friend. She'll be obviously pretty and cute. We'll do fun things together. The cost of living is now dual income. If I want to more traveling, obviously no kids, but if we did want to eventually have kids, we'll have kids. Then and like kind of like split the time between the two or whatever, and then like when I want to go have fun, I'll go have fun. I just don't know Like I've been trying to get back into the dating pool and it's just, it's too much work. I've been out of it for so long and I think that also if they hear that I'm married to a chick, that's gonna open up the doors for a lot of other.
Speaker 1:You know, hot guys, you know what?
Speaker 2:I mean so no, they're just gonna be like oh yeah, I mean, he does have a wife, why not, like you know? And then I'm not needing to be with them because I'm ready with someone else like and I'll still just get like. You know. Have fun okay.
Speaker 1:So that does remind me, and I guess this tiktok that I saw a couple of months ago. I guess that's exactly what it is. I didn't call it, but this woman was saying I am married to a gay man and I know that he's gay and he knows, and I know he's gay. We're open with each other. We bought a house together. Uh, I guess she already had like a couple of children from her previous marriage and she goes we are raising my kids together. We have we have a house with two masters, with two what do they call them primary suites. So we have we sleep in separate beds. I have my side quest, he has his side quest, but we travel together, we together, we split the bills and they're doing life together as partners in life. It's just not sexual, it's just contract. That sounds dirty, just marriage. But I hadn't. I guess, now that you brought what you just brought up, that's essentially a lavender marriage. But I think the reason why I didn't cross my mind is because, at least in my mind, I hear lavender marriage.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking of a cover-up right, or or the, or the guys in denial, and it's obvious he's gay but he doesn't even. You know what I mean. But I think the term lavender marriage would or okay, like I think the difference would be it's it, like you said, contractual or like out of convenience and that kind of stuff, versus like the crumble cookie partner who was straight and married, who was obviously a homosexual bearer, like that's, when he's in denial, right? So I don't think that would be a lavender marriage. I don't think that would be a lavender marriage. I think that would be like, you know, like he's in denial, he doesn't know. Yet I think for it to be a lavender marriage, he has to know he's gay, and so does the wife, and they just have an agreement.
Speaker 1:And I think I want to and I just like lavender, and that's why I'm wearing a lavender shirt would listener. When he got his camera turned on and I was just like oh my god, hi, hello, we're catching up for, like you know, me and her too. And then I said oh my god, I love that wall behind you. That red is nice, it's statement piece and he goes cash. She's like it's blush, but anyways, so he loves his colors.
Speaker 2:I mean it's blush, I do. I mean this is more lilac than lavender, but you know it's on the same wavelength.
Speaker 1:So I was looking up famous like lavender marriages in hollywood and one of the ones that came up from obviously decades, decades ago was um carrie grant okay he is so fucking hot um carrie grant and rudolph whatever his name is. They were so handsome for that time, for that era. It's giving like james dean vibes and um yeah, and apparently they were, because carrie grant was an actor and they were like living together for years and years and years and just kind of passing it off as like hollywood's greatest um, like bromance bromance or bachelors, but ultimately is very, very much suspected that they were lovers, you know, and and I think, I think that is it is very true of old hollywood, I'd say, because it's like rock hudson, um, um.
Speaker 2:Elizabeth taylor was like, apparently, was married to a gay man. Fran dresser was married to a gay man, um, um you know the hell was fran dressner married to so the, the guy who produced the show, the nanny when they got married. He and then came out eventually and they're still best friends, obviously in divorce. But yeah, he was gay. Have you heard?
Speaker 1:about fran, dressed like her, her past, her childhood or her young adulthood and all the trauma that she went through. No, oh my god. Okay, so I don't remember the fine details, we'll have to look it up for later. But apparently, like her and her husband, before they were famous, they like had small-time careers, still in the acting business, but not famous by any means had a home invasion and Fran was brutally SAed in front of the husband. The boyfriend or husband at the time called the cops. The whole thing, like, obviously she wasn't, you know, killed but ended up physically and mentally recovering from that. They stayed together and went forth and worked on their careers and then some short time later ended up getting the role as the nanny.
Speaker 2:That he I mean he basically made it for her Wild. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I loved that show I watched it religiously wait, let me guess. Let me guess who your favorite character was.
Speaker 2:Obviously was cc she was such a fucking cunt. But yes, I did like her. Oh, I was like why can't she dress better, like you know what I mean? I just wanted her to be, but she was very waspy. That was a good show. I'm looking at some photos right now. Fran's outfits were I mean, I thought they were a little kooky and stuff like that, but they were huge. I think Mugler was one of her favorites that she would always wear, um, but all of her outfits are insane.
Speaker 1:But no, I big fan of that show, love watching it on late night reruns as if I have cable, but I mean, I love watching it occasionally when I'm in a hotel room and it's on late night reruns exactly, exactly thanks nick at night.
Speaker 2:Uh, I know right um I was googling right here.
Speaker 1:So, no, uh, britney and jared are no longer together. They confirmed their 14th breakup, uh, back in june of just a few months ago.
Speaker 2:But they'll be back together again, obviously well, maybe before after the show we'll have to watch.
Speaker 1:I can oh, again, again, again again, again, again again. Jen Shaw prison release.
Speaker 2:I think it's soon. It is, it is, it is, it is.
Speaker 1:November. No, it's not, so it is next year. I got to find out when they're recording. So they already filmed, so they clearly filmed. They need to delay filming or delay the season, because she doesn't get out until august of next year. So that means we're probably not going to see her. Assuming they bring her back and they really fucking should um, we're not going to see her back on screen until the 2027 season well, we'll see.
Speaker 2:But you know, I have seen a little bit of like previews and clips and Bronwyn is bringing it. Don't tell me anything.
Speaker 1:We'll stop, we'll stop. Oh my God, I won't tell you anything, ok.
Speaker 2:I don't know why. I thought it was Thursday. Why am I so confused? Because it usually is. Covid threw me off.
Speaker 1:I bet it did. I bet it did. What are you doing here next couple of weeks? What do you do? What's?
Speaker 2:what's happening, so um our dear friend uh dj rudy is going to be um, um spinning at a white party that the? Um the heat is having um, so I'll be going to that this Saturday. Some other dear friends of mine they recently had twins. It's the boys' first birthday.
Speaker 1:Has it been a year? It's been a year already.
Speaker 2:Isn't that crazy? Yes, oh, my goodness, it's crazy. So I'll be going to that during the day on saturday. I'm, like, booked, so so saturday is a very full day. One of my girlfriends is having a birthday brunch, the twins are having their um, their themed party is, um, a frat party, hot, of course. It's so silly, um, so so silly. So that's what I'll be doing every day. Then, at night, go to that white party at Heat, and then what. And then, like on Sundays, next time you're in town, we're going to have to check it out.
Speaker 2:But some very good friends of mine started this Sunday this um, sunday fun day thing, um called sundown social, and um, it's, it's they. They bring in different house djs, um, and it's currently being held at river north ice house, which is, um, one of my local favorites now, but I'm there every Sunday and it's really really cool. I've met a lot of different house-based DJs, and so I really look forward to my Sundays now, like they're. I mean, I've always loved Sunday Funday, obviously, but this is just something that's like a regular thing. It's not just like, oh, what are we going to do? Where are we going to go, type of thing. So I've really been enjoying that.
Speaker 2:It's really I'm really proud of my friends. They they tried doing it during covid and then, um, well, back several years ago not not last week and, um, I know, and and and obviously because of things, um, it didn't work out, but then they never gave up and and you know, I love supporting friends and and local and everything. So, um, you should look them up. Um, sundown social is, um their social media. Uh, so you should look at it and look at the different music and and events that they have. They're really and events that they have.
Speaker 1:They're really, really fun. That's exciting. I don't have near as much schedule as you. I get to go home on Friday. I'm going to be home for a couple of days. My other closer friends back home in DC are out of town on a beautiful vacation in Argentina, I believe. So I'm probably just going to relax, because I turn around, hop on a plane and take off to St Louis, Missouri for a week. I know, Actually I've never been, but another trip, yes.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, wait, wait, another trip. We talked about it, you just haven't been there yet. Right, right, so I'll be heading there on Monday.
Speaker 1:You're going to do the arch. I'm not going to do the arch, I'll look at it from the ground.
Speaker 2:Your your boy right, exactly, um. But before we leave, let's give off a little bit of advice. Yeah, actually I have a very interesting um. You did you read one last time, so if you don't mind me, please honors I am going to um go to my fabulous go-to. I don't know if you recall Um, Hola Papi.
Speaker 1:Oh, we love Papi, we love Papi Um so, um, here it is, hola, papi.
Speaker 2:Um, I work in a corporate office for a large company and I'm the only person who reports to my manager. We're a small team and our personalities click pretty well, so my manager and I have a tight working relationship and a closer than average personal relationship, in spite of our age difference. I'm in my mid-20s, he's in his mid-50s. Here's the thing I recently opened Grindr at work something I regularly do and noticed a new person with no photo or info listed except for his age. The app listed this person as nine feet away from me. Curious as who it may be, I walked around the floor to triangulate this person and it looked like it might be one of two people, one being my manager, and the profile age matched my manager's age A little suspect. I stared at the profile. Oh, I starred the profile.
Speaker 2:The next week I attended an off-site meeting at my manager's house, which is in a low-density suburban area. When I arrived, I was the first one there. I opened up Grindr. Okay, this guy's kind of like a creepy 20-year-old. Anyways, the same profile had been online 20 minutes before and was now 12 feet away. I'm sure this profile is my manager and I feel incredibly awkward about it. While I haven't messaged the profile, it feels odd to know that my presumably happily married manager is on Grindr cannot stop thinking about it. Do I say something? Do I shut up? Help me, puppy. Best grinder finder spelled the same way as greater uh, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1:Love that, okay. So first of all, I love his investigation skills. I think we've all done that from time to time. At least I know I have. Um, would I ever admit that in black and white? No, I'm just going to be getting a public forum here, but anyways, I know what's worse. Uh, I, it's none of his business. Essentially, it's no one else's business why is he trying so hard?
Speaker 2:anyways, continue, yeah no, I'm just.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying it's no one else's business. And if he decides that instead he wants to, if he's so interested, then fucking tap him. Tap him and talk to him or bring it up or just ask him. But other than the fact that I mean, if he's not attracted to him and wants nothing more than just the friendship and close relationships that they have, then it's none of his business what he's doing on these apps that they have, then it's none of his business what he's doing on these apps. And it seems to me that he's so invested in it that he's more interested than he's leading on.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you, this is what Poppy said. You're on the same wavelength, hi Finder. If your boss isn't messaging you and if the situation isn't impacting your daily grind, then his anonymous profile isn't your business and you shouldn't bring it up. Thanks for your question.
Speaker 1:Oh, short and sweet.
Speaker 2:I love it, papi is because you know he's being very, very nice Like boy. You're in your 20s, Like. Why are you being so fucking nosy Like one? What are you doing that regularly at work, logging in?
Speaker 1:I don't know. Maybe we've done that a time or two.
Speaker 2:Well, my picture is on my profile. I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know, I do have to admit that I do pay for it. That way I can be incognito, so that I can browse, you know, non-conspicuously clever.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not paying for that shit, it's not worth it?
Speaker 1:it's not worth it. Oh my god, aj, this has been so much fun. I love how this is a phone call, but now people get to know what we talk about exactly. Um, aj, I have to run to my dinner, which I'm super excited about. But with that said, guys, please follow aj at aj the silver fox. Follow me at bj all day. That's b-e-g-a-b-e-j-a-y all day on instagram. Follow us at dose of delusion, and we cannot wait to see you guys here in a couple of weeks. Take care, we love you guys here in a couple of weeks. Take care, we love you guys.
Speaker 2:Bye-bye, bye.
Speaker 1:Bye AJ.
